Conversa Fictícia

Retirado sem vergonha daqui

The Shroud of Turin (Santo Sudário de Turim)

SCIENTISTS: Man, this church is great! Look at all this stuff!

CHRISTIANS: Oh, hey Scientists! What’s up?

SCIENTISTS: Not much. Just lookin’ around!

CHRISTIANS: May I help you with anything?

SCIENTISTS: Yeah, can you tell me anything about this shroud? Its very beautiful.

CHRISTIANS: Thank you! Its called the Shroud of Turin. You may have heard of it.

SCIENTISTS: Umm… no. Why would I have heard of it?

CHRISTIANS: Because its in the bible! Can’t you read, Scientists! … Anyway, this is the very shroud that Jesus Himself was wrapped in during his death!

SCIENTISTS: But the bible says Jesus was wrapped in two sheets, one for the head and another for the body. This Shroud of Turin is clearly an entire cover for the body. It can’t be what Jesus was wrapped in.

CHRISTIANS: What? … um… You don’t know anything about religion, you’re just a Scientists! Hahaha!

SCIENTISTS: I’ll prove it. Let me have a tiny piece for radiocarbon testing. I can actually pinpoint the date that the shroud was made to prove that it isn’t Jesus’s shroud.

CHRISTIANS: Um… Okay, but just a little! This will prove me right once and for all!

[Later that century…]

SCIENTISTS: 13th or 14th.

CHRISTIANS: What?

SCIENTISTS: The 13th or 14th century. That’s where this cloth came from. It can’t be Jesus’s death shroud.

CHRISTIANS: B… But that’s impossible?

SCIENTISTS: Why?

CHRISTIANS: Because we have it here on display in this church!

SCIENTISTS: I didn’t say it didn’t exist. I just said that it isn’t really Jesus’s shroud.

CHRISTIANS: But I know it is!

SCIENTISTS: How?

CHRISTIANS: I… don’t know… I mean I DO! I DO know!

SCIENTISTS: Then prove it.

CHRISTIANS: Well… um… the shroud did catch fire in 1532. Then it was reconstructed! You must have gotten some of the reconstructed parts!

SCIENTISTS: I said the 13th or 14th century. 1532 is the 16th.

CHRISTIANS: So! Your science must be wrong!

SCIENTISTS: Okay, well do you know which parts of the shroud are genuine?

CHRISTIANS: Of course! I’m Christians! I know everything about Jesus!

SCIENTISTS: Well then let me have some of the authentic parts.

CHRISTIANS: Er… you can’t have it.

SCIENTISTS: Why not?

CHRISTIANS: Because that would be sacrilege!

SCIENTISTS: But you let me have some before.

CHRISTIANS: So! That was because I liked you then! I don’t like you now!

SCIENTISTS: You only liked me then because you thought I could prove you right. Now that you know I have proved you wrong, you see me as a threat.

CHRISTIANS: That’s not true! I can still prove the Shroud of Turin is real!

SCIENTISTS: How’s that?

CHRISTIANS: Let me get my friend…

[Two years later…]

CHRISTIANS: Scientists, meet Logic. Logic, meet Scientists

LOGIC: Actually we’re best friends.

CHRISTIANS: Oh, this isn’t good.

SCIENTISTS: What was that?

CHRISTIANS: Nothing! Logic, tell this man this Shroud of Turin is Jesus’s burial shroud!

LOGIC: Well I can’t really say that it is.

CHRISTIANS: What?!

LOGIC: Jesus? Can you come out here for a second?

JESUS: What’s up homies? Oh, hey Christians!

CHRISTIANS: Jesus!

JESUS: Whut? lol.

LOGIC: Jesus, is this shroud yours?

JESUS: Well I can’t really remember. But that most definately isn’t my face!

LOGIC: Why is that?

JESUS: Well, I had short hair. You see, back in my day, we weren’t allowed to have long hair. God considers it a disgrace, even today.

CHRISTIANS: What? I’ve never heard of that.

JESUS: That’s because you haven’t read the bible. 1 Corinthians 11. lol.

CHRISTIANS: Err… well, yes! I knew that!

LOGIC: Instead of trying to go out of your way and prove Scientists wrong, you could have just learned from him rather than trying to prove something that has no factual basis. You’ve even pathalogically lied your way into believing that I would be on your side.

JESUS: Sorry, Christians. Science and Logic are right. The Shroud of Turin is a phony.

CHRISTIANS: No! Jesus, you taught us all how important it was to believe!

JESUS: Yeah, but not to be stupid and ignorant of all facts! Besides, those stories about me have been pretty mutilated by all the translations. I’m actually kind of an asshole. One time I even beheaded half a village. lol.

CHRISTIANS: But… But…

GOD: HEY, GUYS! OH, WHAT’S THIS PANSY DOING HERE?

JESUS: Oh, that’s just Christians whining in the corner again.

GOD: OH, THEY’RE STILL HERE? HAVEN’T THEY LEARNED HOW TO GET ALONG WITH OTHERS YET? JESUS CHRIST! LOL.

JESUS: lol.

SCIENTISTS: lol.

CHRISTIANS: AGGGGHHHHH!