segunda-feira, maio 28, 2007

O que eles andam a escrever nas fichas dos doentes...

(em Inglês...como podem ver :P)

# She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. (Sua maluca)

# Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. (a mim também curioso, será que estou grávido!?)

# On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. (parece um caso para o CSI Lisboa)

# The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. (Talvez, não há certezas)

# The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. (Pois.....)

# Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. (Ah seu malandro!)

# Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. (Eu?)

# The patient refused autopsy. (Se é o que ele quer!)

# The patient has no previous history of suicides. ( e posterior?)

# Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. (e não pode olha-me este!)

# Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. (Festa cigana?)

# Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. (Isso come-se?)

# She is numb from her toes down. (errrrr)

# While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. (Esse filme ainda não vi...)

# The skin was moist and dry. (Que poético!)

# Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. (Em que ficamos amigo?)

# Patient was alert and unresponsive.(Mesmo que de cima)

# Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (Ai que dor!)

# She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. (Desculpas!)

# I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. (Nova moda)

# Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. (Seu malandreco!)

# Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. (Freak!)

# The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. (Seu insensível)

# The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead. (Piada de mer****)

# Skin: somewhat pale but present. (Inteligência: alguma mas pouca)

# The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. (Deve ser no Hospital de Almada)

# Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. (Técnica de emagrecimento?)

# Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. (LSD?)

# Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. (Deve adorar crianças)

Veio daqui

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